So, the elections are coming up, and all the party leaders are talking about the same old stuff. Europe, the economy, global warming. Important, but completely overshadowed by an event which we all know will happen, but are too scared/stupid to admit. Thats right, my learned friend, I speak of the Zombie Apocalypse. We see it in films, games, comics, the internet, and yet only a small percentage of us would be able to hack it for more than a few hours, and that’s if you’re lucky. The government know it’ll happen… Heck, they’ll probably CAUSE it to happen, and yet they all just brush it under the carpet, along with radio-active dinosaurs and salad people…
However, I am here today to say “No more!”. I have recently found that it only takes £150 and a few forms to become a political party, and so I will set about to right these horrific wrongs. I am the Zombie Apocalypse Preparation Party!
If I’ve learned anything from playing zombie survival games, it’s that the army can and will abandon us in the event of a zombie takeover, and will possibly try to kill us. So, I believe that we, the people, should do something. These are just three of my four policies (that I didn’t just come up with):
1. Fat people are to get thin… very quickly. For a zombie, a fat person is like a walking happy meal, including the free toy. And once all the fat people are dead/zombified, we’ll have nothing to hide behind they’ll be harder to stop.
2. Keep our links with Europe… unless that’s where the zombies are coming from… through the channel tunnel and stuff. But yeah, Europe could send in choppers and things.
3.The introduction of Baseball as a national sport. Think about it. Baseball bats are ideal for getting rid of unwanted relatives zombies, as they are light and easy to use. And, unlike guns, never run out of ammo! More baseball=more baseball bats=more dead zombies! And it’s a sport, which tackles the issue of fat people. It’s a win-win situation! Unless you’re a zombie…
So vote for me/us, for a zombie-free country… and because ZAPP sounds cool…
“Who’d you vote for?”
“I voted *lame party name here*. What about you?”